It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted or just putting up with each other.
Mary eventually confronted him: “Yes, Robert, you have all those qualities, but you don’t give me what I want.” Throughout their marriage he played the role of the good husband, Finally he realized that he was a good husband only if Mary felt loved by him.
Mary wanted a husband that focused first on loving her and the kids and then on completing tasks.
Mark, in turn, felt upset that she didn’t appreciate his genuine desire to help with her problem and began to withdraw emotionally.
Tiffany felt his detachment and began to resent and criticize his emotional insensitivity and shared her feelings again only with reluctance.
Their first challenge was to switch the focus away from themselves and onto each other.
They acknowledged that they were taking each other for granted and that their jobs got the best of them. They decided to switch their priorities and focus first on each other’s feelings and needs and to (2) Become interested in how your spouse is feeling. You had an insatiable interest in each other’s feelings and what would make each other happy.He also discovered that Mary felt loved by him when he understood and valued her feelings.Validating your partner’s feelings means valuing what he or she is feeling and showing it through supportive feedback.You don’t need to analyze or judge the validity of those feelings but simply appreciate that he or she shared them.Mark and Tiffany had difficulty validating each other’s feelings.He was caring and responsible but always placed tasks before people.