Finally, a man who understood me, who could see through the very real qualities that superficially, would make me a "good mother"— and saw right into me. And for the record, he would make a terrible father, too.Follow Marie Claire on Instagram for the latest celeb news, pretty pics, funny stuff, and an insider POV.
Maybe you’re Dad’s goofy friend who gives them pony rides.
Maybe you’re just that guy Mom’s dating who takes them out for ice cream.
If you’re the jealous type, you’ll need to learn to manage that.
Be aware of some red flags up front: ask your new sweetie if they ever had counseling after the divorce (because if not, expect resentments to survive years after the divorce and beyond), ask what the relationship is like with their ex (hatred and refusal to talk to their ex is no bueno, and it’s also not great if their ex is treated like their best friend with whom they discuss everything).
We make a beautiful family, and we love each other. Because while dating someone with kids can be amazing in so many ways, don’t ever think it’ll be easy. You wanted to get away for the weekend but you forgot it’s over Mother’s Day because, newsflash, you’re not a mom?
But don’t be misled: this is the most challenging thing I have ever done. You should know a few things before you flail carelessly into infatuation like that basejumper guy in the squirrel suit with that awesome song. A parent’s responsibility is to their kids first, always, and that will never change. Be aware your plans will always need to be flexible.
At first it seemed like an accident, or some kind of miscommunication (like many women, I blamed myself for the confusion first) and then you realize, when you are on your way to the pharmacy for Plan B—again—it's not.
My suspicions were confirmed when they asked me later with hopeful (as in, not worried) eyes if I could be pregnant. And then I met a guy at a friend's birthday party in Brooklyn.
In 1972, Gloria Steinem said, "We're just talking wombs," a quote that I had always thought was hyperbolic. I gave up online dating, the lure of which was that you could put out there what you really wanted—or didn't want—and you could find a match on at least your most basic values (like not wanting children). Handsome in just the way I find men attractive—tall, slim, brilliant, and incredibly sensitive—he was, even on our first date, too good to be true.
Argumentative, just like me, incredibly compassionate and fiercely loyal, he looked great in everything he wore—and he listened when I spoke of my pregnancy-aversion.
Boundaries are the key to success between your playmate and their ex.